A post on this blog is long overdue! As I write, I have just returned from helping at the STEP (Strategies To Elevate People) breakfast. STEP works in one of the neighborhoods in the city that could be described as 'challenging'. Along with breakfast, there is a chance shop in a 'store' of donated gifts for a discounted price. I do enjoy doing such things . . . talking with people, holding babies while mother's shop, et al!
The Fall has been a difficult one. I just re-read my last post, fresh back from a mountain top experience. Surely some of my low moments have come because of the evil one who wants to render me unusable. In a few days I will become the age that my dad was when he died. That thought is sobering in and of itself. But, the next sobering thought is that I have my mother's good genes, and it is likely that I still have a third of my life to live!!! (I know that this is biting off more than I need to chew, but it has been overwhelming!) What AM I going to do with the next third of my life?
I came home in Sept to find my church in the midst of a Capital Campaign!!! Oh my, that knocked me off my feet in a way that I could not have predicted! The church that I joined and loved for many years, the one where at one time I knew and was known . . . now every time I go to a function I not only don't know people, but I have never even seen many of them before! Now, grow more . . . !!!??? How will I ever feel apart again if I am always going somewhere else!? Experiencing the death of a vision of sorts, I think.
Oct marks my mother's death anniversary. It has now been four years. The struggle of not actually belonging to anyone anymore continues to be difficult for me to overcome. I know that I belong to Jesus, and that He is enough, but I do struggle at times with profound loneliness.
At the end of Oct, I drove to Pensacola to celebrate my sister's big day! It was fun being with family and also visiting friends in the ATL area.
Since receiving an email from Seth, my oldest great nephew, a year ago asking me if I didn't think it was time to spend Christmas with them . . . in the last four years, I have been out of the country three Christmases! He is about to turn 12 so I thought, "I'll be there in 2013!" But, what about Thanksgiving? I would love to have been in FL, but just knew that I couldn't drive down twice more . . . flying is EXPENSIVE, and then you don't have a car . . . If I went for Thanksgiving I was going to stay down for Christmas which wasn't practical on a number of levels. Long story short, I had Thanksgiving with friends here, and leave on the 17th to spend Christmas with the Clarkes . . . all 8 of them. Not completely clear yet when I will return.
Then there is India . . . I have been planning to return in Jan since my return in Mar, but I couldn't get my head around making plans. Then I did! The dates were set 31 Dec - 4 Mar. All set up, planning to fly standby, thinking that those dates would be great for plenty of seats because who is going to fly on the 31st and 1st!? Alas, I can't fly on the 1st and getting stuck in Amsterdam is EXPENSIVE. So, plans were put on hold and now I need to make a new plan.
My mother always struggled with making decisions, especially ones that involved travel. So many times in the past few months I find myself right where Mom often was . . . just unable to decide. I am plagued with the what about this, or that? A friend pointed out that she thought I was tired. Tues I lost my voice . . . my mother always told me that is a sign of exhaustion . . . I think there is more to it than that, but . . . I need to make a decision. The thought has come this week that I am just generally burned out on travel. I love going places and visiting people, but I so dislike the process.
The other day in my devotional reading, these verses spoke sweetly to me . . . from the Amplified Version . . . how that I have a Kindle, I have about five translations downloaded . . . I LOVE it!!!
Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief, ease, refreshment, recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For my yoke is wholesome (useful, good, not harsh, hard, sharp or pressing, but comfortable, gracious and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne. Matt 11:29 and 30
Something else that stopped me dead in my tracks recently, from a sermon preached by my pastor, Steve; is a prayer by Tim Keller . . .
"Lord, I have been trying to earn my own salvation and weave my own righteousness. But you are my salvation and righteousness. I am accepted already in your Son! All my problems come because I am forgetting how honored, beautiful, secure, rich, embraced, and free I am in Jesus and among my brothers and sisters. Let me be so ravished with your love of me that no other love can control me." . . . I say, "Amen and Amen!!!"
On Thurs night I met with some of the women in a nearby neighborhood for a Bible study that hasn't been meeting for months. One of the take away thoughts was, "The Lord loves you so much that if he had a wallet, your picture would be in it!"
So, Lord, bring on the next 30 years, or so, and help me discern in the next couple of days my next trip to India. You know how much I love those people and how much I want to be with them. Melt away all of the nagging doubts and fears, the drudgery of packing and the long trip. I want to be yoked with you, to be useful in your kingdom, to live in your love! Lead on, oh King Eternal!!!
The Fall has been a difficult one. I just re-read my last post, fresh back from a mountain top experience. Surely some of my low moments have come because of the evil one who wants to render me unusable. In a few days I will become the age that my dad was when he died. That thought is sobering in and of itself. But, the next sobering thought is that I have my mother's good genes, and it is likely that I still have a third of my life to live!!! (I know that this is biting off more than I need to chew, but it has been overwhelming!) What AM I going to do with the next third of my life?
I came home in Sept to find my church in the midst of a Capital Campaign!!! Oh my, that knocked me off my feet in a way that I could not have predicted! The church that I joined and loved for many years, the one where at one time I knew and was known . . . now every time I go to a function I not only don't know people, but I have never even seen many of them before! Now, grow more . . . !!!??? How will I ever feel apart again if I am always going somewhere else!? Experiencing the death of a vision of sorts, I think.
Oct marks my mother's death anniversary. It has now been four years. The struggle of not actually belonging to anyone anymore continues to be difficult for me to overcome. I know that I belong to Jesus, and that He is enough, but I do struggle at times with profound loneliness.
At the end of Oct, I drove to Pensacola to celebrate my sister's big day! It was fun being with family and also visiting friends in the ATL area.
Since receiving an email from Seth, my oldest great nephew, a year ago asking me if I didn't think it was time to spend Christmas with them . . . in the last four years, I have been out of the country three Christmases! He is about to turn 12 so I thought, "I'll be there in 2013!" But, what about Thanksgiving? I would love to have been in FL, but just knew that I couldn't drive down twice more . . . flying is EXPENSIVE, and then you don't have a car . . . If I went for Thanksgiving I was going to stay down for Christmas which wasn't practical on a number of levels. Long story short, I had Thanksgiving with friends here, and leave on the 17th to spend Christmas with the Clarkes . . . all 8 of them. Not completely clear yet when I will return.
Then there is India . . . I have been planning to return in Jan since my return in Mar, but I couldn't get my head around making plans. Then I did! The dates were set 31 Dec - 4 Mar. All set up, planning to fly standby, thinking that those dates would be great for plenty of seats because who is going to fly on the 31st and 1st!? Alas, I can't fly on the 1st and getting stuck in Amsterdam is EXPENSIVE. So, plans were put on hold and now I need to make a new plan.
My mother always struggled with making decisions, especially ones that involved travel. So many times in the past few months I find myself right where Mom often was . . . just unable to decide. I am plagued with the what about this, or that? A friend pointed out that she thought I was tired. Tues I lost my voice . . . my mother always told me that is a sign of exhaustion . . . I think there is more to it than that, but . . . I need to make a decision. The thought has come this week that I am just generally burned out on travel. I love going places and visiting people, but I so dislike the process.
The other day in my devotional reading, these verses spoke sweetly to me . . . from the Amplified Version . . . how that I have a Kindle, I have about five translations downloaded . . . I LOVE it!!!
Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief, ease, refreshment, recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For my yoke is wholesome (useful, good, not harsh, hard, sharp or pressing, but comfortable, gracious and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne. Matt 11:29 and 30
Something else that stopped me dead in my tracks recently, from a sermon preached by my pastor, Steve; is a prayer by Tim Keller . . .
"Lord, I have been trying to earn my own salvation and weave my own righteousness. But you are my salvation and righteousness. I am accepted already in your Son! All my problems come because I am forgetting how honored, beautiful, secure, rich, embraced, and free I am in Jesus and among my brothers and sisters. Let me be so ravished with your love of me that no other love can control me." . . . I say, "Amen and Amen!!!"
On Thurs night I met with some of the women in a nearby neighborhood for a Bible study that hasn't been meeting for months. One of the take away thoughts was, "The Lord loves you so much that if he had a wallet, your picture would be in it!"
So, Lord, bring on the next 30 years, or so, and help me discern in the next couple of days my next trip to India. You know how much I love those people and how much I want to be with them. Melt away all of the nagging doubts and fears, the drudgery of packing and the long trip. I want to be yoked with you, to be useful in your kingdom, to live in your love! Lead on, oh King Eternal!!!
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